


Please Don't Judge Me

by hockeylvr59 (gleefanatic)



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/M, Minor cursing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22166413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gleefanatic/pseuds/hockeylvr59
Relationships: Auston Matthews/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

At 26 years old, you never thought that holding a positive pregnancy test would be as terrifying as it currently felt. You were a financially independent woman, you had a wonderful family and some fantastic friends, so why did it feel like there was an elephant standing on your chest? Oh right…maybe it was because you hadn’t slept with your boyfriend in three months. Instead, your baby daddy was a twenty-one-year-old hockey superstar.

You’d met Auston Matthews at a SoMo concert. You were supposed to go with your boyfriend, but after he listened to a few songs he refused claiming that the music was inappropriate and crude and that you were a slut if that was the kind of artist you liked. Needless to say, those comments had fueled a massive fight. You knew for a fact that he had listened to rap songs that were far more demeaning and included curse words that would make a sailor blush.

Since you now had an extra ticket, you’d shot a message out to your friend Stephanie to see if she’d go with you. You’d known Stephanie for years and she was immediately on board asking if tickets were still on sale for her to drag some other friends with her. When you’d met Stephanie outside of the venue you were slightly taken aback by the crew standing beside her. Though you knew she was dating Mitch Marner, it never crossed your mind that she would bring a group of Toronto Maple Leafs with her. Internally freaking out, you desperately tried to play it cool and commented on how you should head inside.

Once the concert actually started, you felt yourself relax completely. You sang at the top of your lungs to every song and swayed your hips back and forth as the bass pulsed. Feeling the weight of someone’s gaze you looked around catching Auston staring at you. Simply sending him a smile, you looked back at the stage. During the next break between songs, you turned to talk to Stephanie and instead of her next to you, you found Auston. He didn’t say anything but simply winked at you and then the music was starting again, pulling your attention back to the sexy man on stage.

When the concert ended, you felt like every nerve ending was on fire and to say that you were sexually frustrated was an understatement. It was clear you weren’t alone in that feeling because Steph and Mitch left immediately and it didn’t take a genius to know why. The cool Toronto air didn’t seem to help temper your heated skin like you would expect it to and when you felt a warm hand pressed into your lower back to guide you through a crowd you couldn’t help but gasp. A quick glance calmed any fears as you realized it was Auston and when he motioned across the street toward a coffee shop you nodded, again not speaking until you were seated with a cold frappe in your hands.

“So what did you think?” You found yourself asking since ultimately the concert had been your idea. When he didn’t speak right away you began to worry that he would judge you for your taste in artists like your boyfriend had and you weren’t sure you had the energy to defend yourself against the title of ‘slut’ for the second time in as many days. As if he was reading your mind, Auston’s serious face turned into a smile and he leaned backward in his chair.

“When Steph mentioned going to a concert with one of her business friends, that was not what I had expected.” He admitted. “It was pretty awesome though. I’m going to have to look him up when I get home.” Without realizing it you let out a sigh of relief and a short chuckle as your fingers twitched with pent-up energy. When you looked up again he had a questioning look and you sighed trying to decide whether to explain or not.

“My boyfriend didn’t see things that way. We got into a fight over the lyrical content when I played a few of my favorite songs for him.”

“Your boyfriend’s an ass.” The matter of fact way he said it caused you to smile.

“Glad I’m not the only one thinking that…” You responded before taking another sip from your glass.

Once you’d both finished your drinks, Auston insisted on taking you home and as you thanked him while climbing out of his car he grabbed your hand causing you to pause. When he asked to see your phone, you handed it over and after a minute he was handing it back, a new text message having been sent to an unfamiliar number.

“For if your boyfriend is ever an ass again…” He simply stated and with a nod you turned to head into your apartment. It was only as you settled into your empty bed that night that thoughts crossed your mind about what it would have been like if things had gone beyond coffee and as you slid your hand beneath your pajamas to take the edge off your frustration, it was not your boyfriend occupying your mind.

—

It was only a few weeks later that you found yourself texting Auston after another fight with your boyfriend. He had promised to go to a family event with you months ago and now suddenly he was leaving for a business trip instead. When Auston didn’t respond you figured that he hadn’t actually meant what he’d said and so you’d pulled out a bottle of wine, planning on drinking away your feelings.

So an hour later when there was a knock on your door you staggered slightly on your way to answer it, your jaw dropping when it was Auston standing there, body wrapped in a suit which fit in all the right places. He apologized for not responding but that he had been at a charity event and he took in your slightly mussed appearance as he entered.

Instead of asking what your boyfriend had done this time, he simply poured himself a glass of wine from the open bottle on your coffee table and slumped onto your couch motioning for you to join him. After a few more glasses of wine, you became acutely aware of Auston’s hands. One was placed on your hip, while the other rested on your thigh, slowly inching higher and becoming less appropriate by the minute.

When you’d looked up at him, his eyes were dark with desire and after a moment of silent communication he was kissing you and it felt like an earthquake rattling you to the core. As you tugged him closer you pushed all thoughts of your boyfriend, anger, and disappointment out of your mind and instead focused on the man whose hands were touching you in all the right ways and who had your mind spinning and pulse racing with a matched desire.

When you woke up the next morning with a hangover, the only reminder of the night before was the ache between your thighs and a note on your nightstand that affirmed that your boyfriend was an asshole for ditching you.

—-

You knew it was wrong, and you had never been a cheater, but after every fight with your boyfriend, you found yourself turning to Auston and letting him help you forget about everything that was wrong in your relationship for at least a night. The chemistry between the two of you was just too strong to ignore when you were emotionally vulnerable. You knew you weren’t the only woman he was sleeping with, but you found it hard to care when your actions weren’t exactly those of a saint either.

Now, six months after you’d met, you were standing beside Auston’s truck outside of the arena. It had been three days since you’d taken the pregnancy test and after having it confirmed by a doctor you’d broken up with your boyfriend. Now you just needed to find a way to tell Auston and you were certain he wasn’t going to take it well.

Just as you were debating simply leaving a note on his windshield, you spotted him approaching and immediately felt like you were going to throw up. His eyebrows raised when he spotted you and tugging your jacket tighter over your still flat stomach, you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, throwing his bag of hockey gear in the trunk.

“I broke up with Steven.” You murmured, pausing but holding a finger up so that he didn’t interrupt you. “I broke up with Steven because I’m pregnant and he’s not the father.” Visibly every muscle in Auston’s body froze and while you hadn’t expected him to take the news well, his reaction still hurt.

“Y/n…” His voice was sharp and almost angry and you rested a hand over your stomach unconsciously.

“Listen, Auston…I’m not expecting anything…but you have a right to know.” As he moved to climb into the driver’s side of his SUV you took a step backward, tears prickling in your eyes. It wasn’t until the door slammed and he drove away that you let them fall. You could have handled him being angry, even him denying that it was his baby, but the silent treatment was just too much.

With snow starting to fall around you, the cold was a stark contrast to the heat from the first time you met Auston and it seemed to perfectly parallel the situation facing you. “I’m sorry baby, hopefully, your daddy can forgive me…” You murmured to your stomach, your hand caressing it gently.


	2. Chapter 2

The moment you arrived home after Auston drove away, your focus and energies switched to the baby growing inside of you. After all, you weren’t lying when you told him that you weren’t expecting anything; you could and would do this on your own even if it scared the crap out of you. While you hadn’t necessarily had any bad habits prior to getting pregnant, the knowledge that you were expecting did cause you to improve your diet by eating more fruits and vegetables and cutting back on your sugar intake. You also made the effort to take advantage of the gym in your apartment complex, not pushing yourself but wanting to make sure that the pregnancy went as smoothly as possible.

Of course, morning sickness occasionally got in the way of your best efforts, but you took it in stride because it meant that your baby was healthy and continuing to grow and develop. Miscarriage had always been one of your biggest fears, the statistic that one in four women will have one looming over you. So, you decided to keep your pregnancy a secret, at least until you reached the end of the first trimester. Granted you couldn’t control whether Auston told anyone but based on his reaction, it certainly didn’t seem like he planned on it.

That milestone appeared before you knew it, and since it was almost Easter you headed back home for a short trip to break the news to your family. Your parents were certainly distressed about the fact that the father wasn’t in the picture (you didn’t tell them it was Auston because that would only bring more stigma to the situation) but after calming down were overjoyed at the thought of being grandparents. Your sisters had taken the news much better from the start and were just excited to be Aunts.

Laying in your childhood bed that night you couldn’t help but cry because you were certain that Auston’s family would be equally thrilled about the baby. It wasn’t your place to say anything if he hadn’t though and so your baby was going to grow up only knowing half of its blood relatives. That fact killed you just a little because you’d grown up knowing four of your great-grandparents, as well as both sets of grandparents, and family was everything to you. Auston had been radio silent since you’d told him about the baby though and so at this point, you’d given up hope to him coming around and wanting to be part of it all.

Upon your return to Toronto, it was hard not to think about Auston. The Leafs were in the middle of a playoff run, having made it through the first round. With his face plastered across the city even more than normal and your pregnancy hormones at an all-time high, it wasn’t uncommon for you to duck into a bathroom stall to cry. You kept telling yourself that you could do this but the more your stomach blossomed, the more alone you felt.

It was the middle of the second round of the playoffs that your secret finally slipped. You were now roughly 14 weeks along and what had previously just looked like added weight now officially looked like a baby bump. Stephanie had insisted during your last regular lunch that you come to game 4 with her and after some persuasion, you reluctantly agreed with the stipulation that she’d bring you a jersey to wear. She’d been confused when you added that it could be anyone but Auston, but thankfully dropped the subject without any prying questions.

You’d met Steph at the arena where she’d handed you an away Marner jersey, a contrast to her own home version. After changing in a bathroom stall, adding the jersey over the tight tank that definitely showed off your bump thereby hiding it easily, you’d walked with Stephanie through the arena and up to the family (wags) box. It was a flurry of activity, a welcome relief because it took most of the attention away from you. No one here knew that you’d had an affair with Auston, you were just Steph’s friend and that was certainly for the best.

The game was exciting, to say the least, though fighting back the emotions that were certainly hormone caused was a test of willpower and when you slipped away repeatedly to the bathroom you were certain Steph was starting to suspect something was going on. The Leafs won to tie the series and though she hadn’t mentioned it before (if she had you certainly would have protested) you found yourself being dragged down to wait and congratulate the boys outside of the locker room. The last thing you wanted was to run into Auston and you were grateful that it was well known that he was usually one of the last out of the locker room.

Hoping that Mitch would come out first and you could congratulate him and then leave you kept your mouth shut. Mitch was indeed one of the first to leave the locker room and after watching him kiss Steph as she wrapped her arms around him in a joyous hug (that ache in your chest had to be heartburn and not jealously right?) you found yourself pulled into a hug by the goofy leaf as well.

“Congratulations, that was a great game.” You told him as you pulled back. “I really should get going though, I have an early work meeting.” Though Steph eyeballed you and it was clear that she was really getting suspicious, she didn’t make any remarks until you started to tug the jersey off to return it, momentarily forgetting just how obvious your bump was.

The moment you reached to hand it to her, your eyes followed her gaze and you froze before quickly tugging your jacket around your body in an attempt to hide your stomach.

“You’re pregnant??” She whispered, her tone expressing hurt that you hadn’t told her when it was clear that you’d known for a while. Hearing the word ‘pregnant’ drew Mitch’s attention and his gaze dropped to your now half covered bump before looking between his girlfriend and you confused.

“Yes…” You murmured softly, your anxiety raising the longer you stood in the hallway knowing it was only a matter of time before Auston appeared. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but I wanted to get through the first trimester before I broke the news. Please, can we talk about it later?” You pleaded softly, glancing toward the locker room door before looking back at her.

Before Steph could respond, the sound of the door opening again filled your ears and the part of you that had become attuned to Auston, both through sleeping with him as well as carrying his baby, immediately jumped to action as it sensed his presence. “Please Steph…I really have to go.”

The moment delay was a moment too long and suddenly Auston was clapping Mitch on the shoulder before greeting Steph. Her lack of acknowledgment was what drew his attention to you and when your eyes met his gaze you immediately felt the tears flood forward. With fight or flight instincts kicking in, your body automatically chose the latter option and the jersey in your hand fell to the floor as you turned on your heel and ran down the hall, seeking the relief of the chilled spring Toronto air.

As the door clanged off the wall behind you, you turned toward the wall outside of the building and pressed a palm against it, sobs racking through you as you vainly tried to catch your breath. Gently, you rubbed your thumb over your stomach hoping that the connection with your child will help relax you because you know that this kind of stress is not good for the baby.

“Y/N…” You hear from behind you as you slowly return to breathing normally, though tears are still streaming down your cheeks. You hadn’t heard the door open again, but the voice repeating your name was one you were innately familiar with. Resolving yourself to being cordial with the father of your child but not to let him see his effect on you any longer, you reached up to wipe the tears from your eyes before turning to face him.

“Auston… You responded, tugging your jacket closer to you, though your hand remained pressed to your bump protectively.

“You…you look good…” He mumbled, taking a step closer to you as you felt his gaze take you in from top to bottom. When his eyes centered on your hand, you swallowed hard, again letting your thumb stroke back and forth in a soothing motion.

“Thanks…” The air between you was stifling and awkward and it was taking every ounce of willpower to remain in control of your emotions. “I need to go Auston…great game tonight.” You finally stated before looking left and right beyond him to figure out where you’d ended up and once you had some sense of location, you turned and started walking away.

“Y/N! Wait!” Auston called out and unconsciously you stopped, his hand brushing over your wrist to hold you in place lightly. “Y/N….I’m sorry.” He murmured. “Shit…I’m so sorry.”

“The word sorry doesn’t hold much weight Auston.” You replied, your patience growing thin. “You made your choice when you drove away and the word sorry isn’t going to change the fact that I’ve been battling morning sickness and fatigue by myself. That I had to tell my parents that I’m pregnant but that the father isn’t in the picture. That seeing your face around this city kills me because I don’t know how I’m supposed to explain to my son or daughter someday that their father was too scared to man up and take responsibility for his actions.” Your outburst caused your jacket to fly open, revealing the skin-tight nature of your tank and the bump previously hidden and immediately Auston noticed.

“You’re showing…” He breathed almost inaudibly, slight awe tinging his voice. His hand reached out to touch you and immediately you pulled away.

“No Auston. No. We’re not doing this. When you have something better to say then ‘I’m sorry.’ You know where to find me.”

This time it was your turn to walk away and when he didn’t attempt to follow you it was clear that absolutely nothing had changed.


	3. Chapter 3

After you’d left, Auston stood outside the Scotiabank Arena, mind spinning. He knew his reaction had been immature when you’d told him you were pregnant but there was a part of him that believed that if he pretended that it didn’t exist, then it would all go away and he wouldn’t have to deal with it. But now…after seeing the bump that was evidence of his child…he wasn’t sure he could pretend any longer.

By the time he slipped back through the doors of the arena, Mitch and Steph were standing there with Patty and John, clearly waiting for him, and he wasn’t surprised. Running his fingers through his hair he sighed softly, bracing himself for the onslaught he knew was coming, one that he deserved. Mitch was the first to speak and while his voice was tinged with anger, it was mostly hurt that came through.

“It’s your baby isn’t it?” Mitch asked, draping an arm around Stephanie who was crying at his side.

“Yeah. It is.” He admitted, ducking his head and taking a deep breath. He could question the paternity if he really wanted to but there was a feeling deep in his gut that told him if you said it was his than it was. Through her tears, Steph spoke next.

“You didn’t find out tonight did you? You’ve known…for how long?” It was clear that Steph was angry that her friend felt like she had to hide the pregnancy and angrier because it was clear now exactly why she had hidden it.

“Since the game against Vancouver.” The moment the words left his mouth and Steph processed them, her hand flew forward, smacking him in the chest.

“Two months…you’ve known for two months…I can’t believe you, Matthews.” The sound of her retreating form filled the hallway and with a glare, Mitch followed after her, murmuring that they weren’t done talking about this.

Left with two men that he considered fatherly figures, Auston sighed.

“Can we not do this tonight?” He mumbled and immediately Patrick shook his head.

“You’ve stalled long enough. This isn’t going away.” From there Auston was shoved down the hall to an empty conference room where Patty proceeded to lay into him.

“What are your plans to deal with this? And don’t tell me that you don’t have any because we’ll sit here until you do.”

“I don’t know okay. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I get it, I fucked up in more ways than one. But I don’t know how to be a dad…” Under his breath, John couldn’t help but mumble that saying he’d fucked up was an understatement.

“Do you care about this girl? Or was she just another notch in the bedpost? Because it seems like this was more than just a one-time thing.” Patrick seemed to know how to get right to the heart of things.

“It was more than a one-time thing,” Auston admitted, rubbing his face. “But I don’t know how I feel about her. It wasn’t like we dated, it was just sex.”

“Either way…” John declared crossing his arms over his chest. This was not exactly what he’d wanted to do in the midst of playoffs and especially tonight but Patrick was right, Auston had waited long enough to deal with it. “She’s having your kid dude, whether you love her now, think you could love her in the future, or despise her, she’s having your kid and she needs your support.”

“I know…” Auston mumbled.

“Do you? Do you really understand that everything in her life has been changing? She’s likely been waking up sick most mornings, her body is growing and changing and it’s not exactly a comfortable process, and that’s just the physical support. If she’s planning on keeping this baby, she’s having to figure out if she can fit the baby into her current residence, how she’s going to afford to buy all of the things a baby needs, how to balancing having to work and being a good mom at the same time. There are a million and one things that are going through her mind and the uncertainty about where things stand between the two of you certainly isn’t helping her.”

It was blunt but all of these were things that Auston needed to hear.

“I tried to apologize…she didn’t want to hear it.” He stated, frustration showing even if it was mostly with himself.

“Do you blame her?” Patrick jumped back in. “She told you she was pregnant and you make no effort to reach out to her and you only apologize when forced into the same space. I can’t blame her for needing more than a few words from you.”

“So what do I do?” Auston questioned, willing to admit that he needs to step up but having no clue how to do that without having a door slammed in his face.

“You make an effort. To be there for her and the baby. But you have to ease yourself into things. You’re in no position to make any demands from her.” Patrick declared.

“Start by asking her to go out for ice cream or something. Whether she agrees or not, ask about how she’s feeling, how things are going with the baby. Ask her if there’s anything she needs mentally or physically. Show her that you want to be a part of her and your child’s life.” John’s suggestions were ones that were quickly agreed to by Patrick.

“And if she agrees to let you be involved, be involved. Go to doctor’s appointments with her. Figure out what things she’ll let you buy for the baby, but again don’t push her or demand to be allowed to provide things. Spend time getting to know her, if only because she’s the mother of your child.”

There was no easy way out of this, no easy way to make amends for how badly he had already screwed up. Auston was quickly coming to the realization that he needed to put the work in if he wanted any part of his child’s life.

“Fuck how am I going to tell my parents.” He whispered, the reality of how disappointed they would be sinking in. And it wasn’t just that they were going to be disappointed in him for getting someone pregnant, they’d come around to that eventually. They were going to be more disappointed in how he had handled everything.

While Patty and John had sympathy for the young centerman, it didn’t show on their faces. It was his choices after all that had put him here today.

“Sounds like that’s your first step. Own up and tell your parents that you’d going to be a dad. Own up to the fact that you haven’t handled things well and that you need to work to get back in the mother of your child’s good graces. Own up to all of it, it will go farther than you think it will.”

Nodding weakly, Auston sighed before yawning. While there were so many more things that Patty and John could say to him, they’d already thrown a lot at the kid tonight and sharing a glance they knew anymore would be counterproductive.

“Go home and get some sleep kid.” Patty declared. “We’ll continue this talk another time.”

The moment Auston closed his eyes after settling into bed, his mind flashed back to the bump he’d gotten a glimpse of earlier.

You were nearly asleep after spending the previous few hours crying into Stephanie’s shoulder when the text came through. You almost didn’t read it but something made you give in.

_I know that I fucked up and that I don’t deserve for you to give me the time of day. But if you’ll let me I’m going to do whatever it takes to prove to you that I want to be a part of yours and our baby’s life. Please give me that chance._

It was going to take a lot more than that to make things right between the two of you, for you to trust him again. But it was a start and if he was willing to try, you’d let him as much as it hurt you…if only for the sake of your baby.


	4. Chapter 4

Soon after it was revealed that you were pregnant with Auston’s baby, the Leafs were eliminated from playoff contention. Auston had insisted that he wanted to be a part of yours and the baby’s life but he hadn’t actually done anything to back up those words. And needless to say, you weren’t holding your breath that he ever would. 

In fact, it wouldn’t surprise you if he went to Arizona for the summer and resumed ignoring you. To be frank, Auston doing whatever the hell he wanted was the least of your worries. 

Now that Steph knew, she was over at your apartment more frequently and when she wasn’t around she was texting to see if there was anything you needed. There was no doubt in your mind that you were probably going to name Steph and Mitch godparents of your little one and you were grateful for their friendship. 

___

As you stood in front of the mirror in your bedroom, you sighed and fiddled with the hem of your shirt, adjusting the way the fabric laid over your ever-expanding bump. You weren’t sure whether the feelings inside of you were more excitement or nerves but either way, you couldn’t get your body to relax. 

Looking over at the clock beside your bed, you sighed and grabbed your purse, slipping a pair of sandals onto your feet. You had a doctor’s appointment in 45 minutes and if you were going to make it in time, you needed to get your butt out of the door. 

Today was possibly one of the biggest days of your pregnancy. Today you could find out whether you were having a boy or a girl. A mini Auston or a mini-you. You knew that you could find out, but the more you thought about it, the more you weren’t sure whether you wanted to. 

On top of all of that, you decided to be the bigger person yesterday and had texted Auston the appointment information. You had no idea whether he was even still in Toronto and he hadn’t responded to the text but your child deserved to know its father, even if you weren’t sure Auston deserved the same. He probably wouldn’t even show, but knowing that he might made you even more anxious than normal. 

___

Reaching the doctor’s office, you made your way inside, making note to talk with the doctor about safe ways to alleviate the lower back pain that had become almost constant. After signing in you asked the nurse if you could use the bathroom before your appointment, the baby having shifted on your bladder during the drive over. 

As you let yourself into the waiting room a minute or two later, your eyes met brown across the room, and for a moment you lost your breath. 

So he’d actually shown up. 

Grabbing a magazine, you took a chair two down from his and started flipping through it. From the corner of your eye, you could see him fiddling with his hands, removing his ball cap every so often to card his fingers through his hair. It was clear he was uncomfortable and there was a part of you that was glad he was. He didn’t get to be comfortable when he’d been MIA even after promising he wouldn’t be. 

When a nurse eventually called your name, you gingerly pushed yourself to your feet and looked back, waiting to see if Auston was going to follow. He hesitated for a moment before standing and following after as a nurse led you to an exam room. Once inside, he paced back and forth while the nurse took your blood pressure, weight, and quickly measured your growing bump. It wasn’t until she left the room that Auston finally spoke. 

“So uh…what’s this appointment for?” He mumbled, scratching at his head once more. You wanted to shoot back a sarcastic ‘to check on the baby you knocked me up with, dumb ass’ but you refrained, instead taking a deep breath and rubbing over your bump. 

“It’s an ultrasound to check on the baby’s development.” Certain that Auston still had no idea what that meant you sighed and continued. “We’ll get to see the baby, hear its heartbeat.” The way his eyes went wide told you that was clearly not what he was expecting. Thankfully, before he could say anything in response, there was a knock on the door and your doctor made her way inside the room. She didn’t even flinch seeing Auston standing there and instead just flipped through your chart before looking up at you. 

“Alright Y/N…I see we’ve reached the 18-week mark and you’re scheduled to see your baby today.” Her smile was bright and reminded you why you had chosen her as your doctor all along. It was hard to be stressed while surrounded by her easy demeanor. “I see the nurse already took your measurements. You’re right on track there. Growing nicely. Any new symptoms or concerns you’d like to discuss?” 

After asking how to best address your back pain, you were given some tips including obtaining a pregnancy pillow, seeing a massage therapist, applying some topical relief, and which pain medication was safe to take if needed. She then addressed that soon you should start feeling the baby move and what else to expect over the next few weeks. 

“Should we take a look at that baby now?” She finally inquired after you’d had all of your questions answered. Shifting on the table, you pulled your shirt up over your belly and slid your shorts down just a tad to provide her full access to your changing body. As you relaxed back you shivered as she put cold gel onto your stomach and started moving it around with the transducer. After a moment she pressed a few buttons and then reached up to turn the screen in your direction as the sound of a rapid heartbeat filled your ears. 

You’d seen your baby once before, but now it actually was starting to look like a baby, and tears immediately pooled in your eyes. The fact that a tiny human was growing inside of you was still mind-boggling. For another few minutes, your doctor typed away, moving the transducer to take some measurements. Then she turned to you, a smile on her face. 

“Everything looks great Y/N. Would you like to know the sex of the baby?” Looking over at the screen, you immediately knew exactly what you wanted. You’d been going back and forth for days but now you felt completely certain. 

“No. I want to wait and be surprised.” You answered. The sound of the chair beside you squeaking made you jump. You’d honestly forgotten that Auston was even there. For a split second, you thought about how maybe that wasn’t what he wanted, but then you decided that you didn’t care about what he wanted. Not knowing brought you a sense of peace that you hadn’t felt yet and you knew it was the right decision. 

“All right then.” Your doctor agreed. “If you ever change your mind you can just give us a call but I don’t blame you. It’s honestly the greatest surprise ever.” She mused, tapping your knee before handing you a few paper towels to wipe your stomach off with. “I think you’re all set. Pictures will be waiting for you up front. I’ll see you in a month.” She declared, before quickly scooting out of the room to see her next patient. For a moment you just relaxed against the bed, your brain processing everything before you cleaned up and fixed your clothing. By the time you had done that, you realized Auston was offering out a hand to help you off the table and begrudgingly you took it, holding on until you were steady on your feet. 

Neither of you spoke until after you’d stepped out of the office. As Auston held the door open you reached into the envelope to pull out one of the two copies of photos the nurse had printed for you. 

“Here.” You murmured, holding the sheet out to him. Auston took it warily, slipping it into his wallet. “Thanks for coming.” You breathed, twisting your keys on your fingers. “I’ll text you the date for the next appointment, but that one is just a check-up so nothing interesting will happen.” Auston nodded but it was clear that he still didn’t know what the hell he was doing and it was frustrating. You were trying and it still seemed like he wasn’t. 

Shaking your head you turned and walked away, heading back to where you’d parked your car. A twinge went up your back as you slid into the driver’s seat and you sighed. 

“I love you little one, but your daddy needs to grow the fuck up already.”


	5. Chapter 5

After his talk with the guys, Auston had called his parents and told them that he was going to be a dad. Their disappointment with him was almost as crushing as being eliminated from the Stanley Cup playoffs. He knew that he had fucked up, was still fucking up, but he didn’t know what to do or how to fix things. There had been so many times that he drafted a text to see if you wanted to get ice cream or to ask if there was anything you needed but he was always too chicken to press send. 

He had no idea how to be a dad. He certainly didn’t have his shit together the way that you seemed to. 

But when you’d reached out with appointment information he found himself driving to the doctor’s office without a second thought. Maybe if he just showed up things would start to fall into place. 

Observing you, he noticed that your bump was even bigger than before. You seemed exhausted and kept rubbing at your lower back. But then there was a thumping sound and a grainy image filled the screen in front of him. Your doctor pointed out the different body parts of the baby and it was only then that it fully clicked that he was going to have a kid. Still, he was so afraid of fucking things up that he didn’t say anything. Instead, he helped you up, walked with you out of the office, and took the pictures you offered him without another word. 

The fact that he’d ordered you a pregnancy pillow to be delivered to your apartment was honestly the only thing he could think of to do. 

After that, he knew he should reach out to you, but once again there was just something holding him back. So he went home to Arizona for a month or so before returning to Toronto to do some training. He’d just gotten back from the gym when his phone rang, Mitch’s number lighting up the screen. He hadn’t really talked to Mitch recently, his teammate was still pissed at him for the way he was handling things. Mitch calling was kind of surprising but he answered anyway. 

“Yeah, dude, what’s up?” He replied, moving around his kitchen to get a bottle of Gatorade. 

“You better come to the hospital,” Mitch whispered, his voice frantic. 

“Why what’s up?” Auston questioned, not fully picking up on his teammate’s tone. 

“Y/N is in labor. Doctors’ can’t stop it.” Mitch explained. Hearing that you were in labor caused Auston’s heart to race. “Dude…it’s way too early,” Mitch added. “Get your ass down here now.” 

___

Fifteen minutes later, Auston found himself walking through the winding hospital halls trying to figure out where Mitch had directed him to come. As he turned a corner he spotted his teammate, who was clearly stressed to the max. 

“About fucking time,” Mitch grumbled when he spotted him. 

“What the hell happened?” Auston found himself asking, his pulse still racing. 

“She’s been having back pain off and on for weeks,” Mitch explained. “Which you’d fucking know if you had manned up like you were supposed to.” He mumbled under his breath. “Today it got really bad while she was at lunch with me and Steph so we brought her down here. Apparently, the pain is contractions and she’s not responding to the medicine doctor’s gave her to stop them. She’s only 27 weeks and the baby is coming. She’s fucking terrified Auston, Steph can barely get her to calm down and none of this is good for her or the baby.” 

A strangled scream sounded from a room just a few feet away and Mitch let out a heavy sigh before motioning to the door. 

“Don’t fuck things up even more. Go be with her.” Mitch pushed. Walking through the hospital door, Auston’s eyes went wide. You were laying on your side in bed, tears streaming down your face as you gripped Steph’s hand. Your face was pale, wires seemed to be everywhere, and waves of fear immediately crashed over him. Hearing the door, Steph’s head turned in his direction and she motioned for him to approach the bed. 

“Y/N…sweetheart. Auston is here.” She murmured softly. She urged him to take her place right beside you and murmured that she would be back in just a few minutes. 

Almost instantly, another contraction surged through your body causing you to scream, and as soon as it passed, it was replaced by another round of sobs. 

“Fuck.” Auston mumbled. He didn’t know what to do. But seeing you in pain, seeing you cry finally triggered something in him. Moving around the bed, Auston maneuvered around the wires before slipping in behind you, his arms wrapping firmly around your body, his hand lacing in yours. There was something about his touch that was grounding, the way his fingers traced over your skin as you cried. 

When another contraction hit, he kissed your head, his lips lingering against your temple until it passed. 

“I’m so so sorry.” He breathed. “I’m such a fuck up. I’ve been so scared of fucking things up that I’ve done just that over and over again.” The tone of voice with which he spoke was one you’d never heard before and you knew he was being genuine. “You’re so fucking incredible. You’re so much stronger than I could ever be. I swear to you, whatever you need, I’m here.” 

“I’m so scared.” You whispered, your voice thick from all of the crying. 

“I know. I’m scared too.” Auston quickly replied. “But they’re going to be okay. You’re both going to be okay.” He said the words with such conviction that for a moment you believed it to be true because he said it would be. Then another contraction hit, more painful than the last. This time you felt the overwhelming need to push. Crying out that it was too early, that you weren’t ready, that the baby wasn’t ready, you missed Steph appearing at the door and then quickly rushing out to get your doctors and nurses. When the group of them returned, the nurses urged you to let them examine you again, before your doctor informed you that it was time to push. Again you protested, but as your nurses moved your legs into a better position, instructing Auston to hold your leg up another contraction hit and you screamed again. 

“Just listen to the doctors.” Auston urged you, his voice scarily steady. “If they tell you to push, you need to push sweetheart. I’m right here. It’s going to be okay. You and our baby are going to be okay.” This time when a contraction hit and the nurses told you to push, you complied, bearing down into it. The sound of Auston counting softly filled your ears as you pushed over and over until finally, the feeling of pressure gave way. 

For far too long the room was eerily quiet, but then a quiet cry filled the room. Suddenly a nurse rushed forward to you, placing a tiny infant onto your chest. 

“We need to get her to the NICU but you can see her for a moment first.” Seeing his baby….his daughter draped against your chest brought tears to Auston’s eyes and he kissed your temple once more. 

“You did so good.” He praised. “She’s beautiful.” 

Though there was a long, long road ahead of you still, this was the first time you’d truly had hope. Hope in Auston as a father, hope for the two of you. 

Sometimes things have to get ugly before they can become beautiful.


End file.
